Kim Jong-Un the fattest North Korean of them all

After a long battle against heart disease, Kim Jong-Il, the General Secretary of the Workers’ Party of Korea, Chairman of the National Defense Commission of North Korea, and the Supreme Commander of the Korean People’s Army, died at the age of 70. Since 1994 he had ruled on North Korea just as his father, Kim Il-Sung had done: starving the masses, lying to everyone, and progressing backwards technologically. But now that he is dead, what will happen?

Ever since the supreme leader’s death, his son the creatively named Kim Jong-Un has taken over most of his father’s positions. If Un¹  continues his father and grandfather’s trend, we expect that by the time he dies the country will no longer have a population to starve and will have been firmly cemented in the Stone Age.

But Kim Jong-Un was not always on the path to “Supreme Comrade and Dear Leader of North Korea.” He had two brothers, both older than him, who also wanted to rule this industrial apocalyptic wasteland. However, while Un was studying in Switzerland (the only country that is neutral in the conflict between North and South Korea), both of his brothers fell out of favor with Kim Jong-Il. This was because one did not look enough like his father, and the other was too much “like a little girl” and wanted to visit Disney Land Japan. Seriously. This left only Un, the youngest of the three, to lead this country which’s military parades would make any synchronized swimmer proud.

This little dictator is also hiding a secret that could shame his father and his country: Kim Jong-Un is obsessed with basketball and Michael Jordan. This country, which adamantly despises the USA, now has a leader who is coo-coo for the NBA.

‘tis the season for love, and with Valentine’s day just around the corner we also had to talk a bit about our four star general’s love life. Women are of no interest to Un, who is rather interested in quite another domain. During his time in a boarding school in Switzerland (he failed of his classes there except math) he was found more than once with pornographic bondage magazines. As Rihanna once said, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but chains and whips excite me.”

To top it all off, Dim Jong-Un² has a nuclear arsenal at his command, and a million man army to back it up. Where is this pathetic country heading too?

1.      Since only the last two letters of Kim Jong-Un’s name distinguish his name from his father’s, brothers’, and grandfather’s (somewhat) this is what he will be called in this article.

2.      This was the name his frustrated classmates in Switzerland gave him.

Tripoli divided

Tripoli, once the headquarters of Qaddafi, is divided. On one side we have the loyal citizens devoted to Qaddafi,  and on the other, the rebels who are seeking change. And the capitol is about to blow. Tension has been building for the last three months, and gunfire is beginning to be heard in the capitol. People avoid the streets, and are wary of foreigners. Fighting will probably break out in the capitol, and it won't be pretty.

Photograph. Msnbc.com. Msnbc, May-June 2011. Web. 3 May 2011. <http://msnbcmedia4.msn.com/j/MSNBC/Components/Slideshows/_production/ss-110303-libya-tabbed/ss-110427-libya-week10/ss-110429-libya-jc-02.grid-9x2.jpg>.
Photograph. Msnbc.com. Msnbc, May-June 2011. Web. 3 May 2011. <http://msnbcmedia3.msn.com/j/MSNBC/Components/Slideshows/_production/ss-110303-libya-tabbed/ss-110427-libya-week10/ss-110429-libya-jc-01.grid-7x2.jpg>. 

How Osama Bin Laden was found

As you probably know, Osama Bin Laden was killed inside his compound over the weekend by a US raid. But before killing him they had to know where he was hiding. Osama Bin Laden was the head of a terrorist organization called Al Qaeda. They were the criminals behind 911 which led to Bush's "war on terror" and the eventual invasion of Iraq. Bin Laden had been seen as a threat by the United States long before the events of 911. The US gathered information on him, including his personal couriers. After 911 they went after these couriers, capturing them and interrogating them. In Abbottabad (a city 40 miles from the capital), they found a very strange home.  It was surrounded by walls almost 20 feet tall, had no windows, and more sets of walls inside the compound. Curiously, it had no internet or telephone lines. The US concluded that there was something being hidden inside. They also found out that a family lived inside that matched Bin Laden's. Although there was no proof, analysts were sure Bin Laden was hiding there. A Spec-ops team was assembled for this kill mission (they were not planning on capturing him). A live camera was brought with the team, and when Bin Laden was killed a huge cheer went up from the CIA officials in the conference room. 

NATO warplane kills Qaddafi's youngest son and grandchildren

Earlier today, at least one missile from a NATO warplane hit the house where Qaddafi was residing. Qaddafi had been visiting his youngest son, Saif al-Arab Qaddafi, who was killed as well as three grandchildren. Saif al-Arab Qaddafi was not an important person in the Qaddafi family, and did not hold any important roles in the government. However this was more of a moral blow to the tyrannic leader of Libya. Qaddafi and his wife were not wounded by the air strike. Qaddafi had begun to negotiate a cease fire with NATO and the rebel forces. Let's hope this event does not jeopardize that situation. 

Photograph. Msnbc.com. Msnbc, Mar.-Apr. 2011. Web. 30 Apr. 2011. <http://msnbcmedia1.msn.com/j/MSNBC/Components/Slideshows/_production/ss-110303-libya-tabbed/ss-110427-libya-week10/ss-110427-libya-005.grid-9x2.jpg>.

Morocco bombing kills 15

The Argana cafe in the Moroccan city of Marrakesh was hit by a bomb today, killing 15 people and wounding many others. The bomb hit in the middle of rush hour, when hundreds of people were milling about the square where this cafe was located. Among the dead were six French citizens, five Moroccans, and four others.

Qaddafi shells Misrata...again

Qaddafi's forces today shelled Misrata's port, one of the city's only ability to get aid and supplies. Misrata is one of the rebel strongholds, and is completely surrounded (except by sea) by pro-Qaddafi forces. The barrage was only able to destroy a few containers and damage a few cars. Qaddafi continues to say that no civilians are being killed, rather declaring that his forces are fighting against armed gangs and al-Qaida supporters. Nato planes are finding it hard to target pro-Qaddafi forces since they are split up into small groups and are parked next to civilian buildings.


Photograph. Msnbc.com. Msnbc, Apr.-May 2011. Web. 25 Apr. 2011. <http://msnbcmedia1.msn.com/j/MSNBC/Components/Slideshows/_production/ss-110303-libya-tabbed/ss-110419-libya-week9/ss-110420-libya-12.grid-9x2.jpg>.

Qaddafi HQ hit by NATO airstrike

If only Qaddafi had been in his compound when two Norwegian F-16s destroyed a major building inside the compound. Libyan officials are calling this an assassination attempt. Qaddafi proclaimed that NATO was backed by traitors and spies and that their latest airstrike would only scare children. The airstrike cam after Qaddafi forces launched a deadly barrage upon the city of Misrata, killing 32 people.

Photograph. Msnbc.com. Msnbc, Apr.-May 2011. Web. 25 Apr. 2011. <http://msnbcmedia2.msn.com/j/MSNBC/Components/Slideshows/_production/ss-110303-libya-tabbed/ss-110419-libya-week9/ss-110420-libya-05.grid-8x2.jpg>.
Photograph. Msnbc.com. Msnbc, Apr.-May 2011. Web. 25 Apr. 2011. <http://msnbcmedia1.msn.com/j/MSNBC/Components/Slideshows/_production/ss-110303-libya-tabbed/ss-110419-libya-week9/ss-110420-libya-12.grid-9x2.jpg>.
Photograph. Msnbc.com. Msnbc, Apr.-May 2011. Web. 25 Apr. 2011. <http://msnbcmedia3.msn.com/j/MSNBC/Components/Slideshows/_production/ss-110303-libya-tabbed/ss-110419-libya-week9/ss-110420-libya-09.grid-7x2.jpg>.
Photograph. Msnbc.com. Msnbc, May-June 2011. Web. 25 Apr. 2011. <http://msnbcmedia4.msn.com/j/MSNBC/Components/Slideshows/_production/ss-110303-libya-tabbed/ss-110419-libya-week9/ss-110421-libya-01.grid-7x2.jpg>.
Photograph. Msnbc.com. Msnbc, Apr.-May 2011. Web. 25 Apr. 2011. <http://msnbcmedia1.msn.com/j/MSNBC/Components/Slideshows/_production/ss-110303-libya-tabbed/ss-110419-libya-week9/ss-110422-libya-01.grid-7x2.jpg>.
Photograph. Msnbc.com. Msnbc, Apr.-May 2011. Web. 25 Apr. 2011. <http://msnbcmedia3.msn.com/j/MSNBC/Components/Slideshows/_production/ss-110303-libya-tabbed/ss-110419-libya-week9/ss-110424-libya-04.grid-8x2.jpg>.

I'm on vacation! Sorry, no updates until the 25th

US jets destroy Libyan anti-air launcher

US jets under NATO control struck three Libyan army anti-aircraft launchers overnight. Although most fixed anti-air "fixed" batteries have already been destroyed, many mobile ones are still operational. A week earlier six US F-16 jets as well as five Navy EA-18G Growler electronic attack planes bombed mobile surface-to-air missiles. Out of 134 missions so far, the United States has carried out 97.